Sometimes when I’m half asleep I speak in tongues. Does this ever happen to you? They call it “somniloquy“. With me it often happens when I’m on the verge of passing out after a night of drinking with my brother, and he always tries to maximize the experience by egging me on. One night he transcribed our conversation. I offer that transcript here for your entertainment:
Mattdude: Shit is fucked up is what it is… selling the ice rings.
Voidious: What’s fucked up about selling the ice rings?
Mattdude: You don’t have to spend anything.
Voidious: Why would I care about spending anything?
Mattdude: ‘Cuz… it’s expenditures yo.
Voidious: So what you’re saying is that I need to buy some ice rings.
Mattdude: No… I’m just saying that…
Voidious: That what?
Mattdude: That Google needs to fucking kiss my ass.
Voidious: Why do you say that?
Mattdude: Dude, don’t toy with me dude… Do not be toying with me yo. I can tell, yo, when I’m being toyed with yo.
Voidious: Dude I thought we were talking about ice rings.
Mattdude: Dude, I got my special no-fuck-with-me glasses on dude. I think there’s something Rachel wants to say to me yo.
Voidious: Well, I dunno dude.
On another occasion he recorded a video of my half-conscious ramblings, but I’ll save that for a future post.